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Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm an Idiot



My job is a mishmash of things where I babysit clients, talk fast on the phone like Jerry Maguire, design things, write articles, interview people, edit copy, manage schedules, etc etc. You may be thinking, "Wow, Amanda, you're so good at so many things, HOW DO YOU DO IT?"

To that, I'll say, "THANKS BUT I WAS BORN THIS WAY, YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS."

But believe it or not, some things about my job AREN'T glamorous. Coming from a small town, it's largely thought that anything you do in New York City is glamorous because it's such a glittery location. I could be all like, "Yeah, so I had to spend the whole weekend throwing out all of my furniture because I have a bedbug infestation" and they'd be all like, "BEDBUGS IN NEW YORK CITY?! I wish I lived there!" Bedbugs in my home town are regular bedbugs, bedbugs in New York City wear fancy hats and drink martinis.

But to cut through the malaise and keep myself semi-amused, when I'm writing articles, I put in jokes just to see if anyone is paying attention. It's like that time in high school that I turned in my AP American History homework with these types of responses:

Q: What did the Shakers believe in?
A: Shaking it all night long!

Q: What is phrenology?
A: I wish they all could be California girls.

I've never been happier than when I got this worksheet back that contained all of these bullshit answers with a big A+ on it. My teacher wasn't even reading this shit.

So, this juvenile obnoxiousness has creeped its way into my professional life.

I'm writing the official guide to a food festival in New York, and one of the events is a caviar tasting. My description? "The only way this event could be any classier is if it took place on a yacht." For a Beatles Tribute tasting? "Everyone will come together (GET IT? GET IT? AHAHAHHAHAHA) for this amazing tasting this weekend."

We're on our second draft and neither of these gems have been discovered by anyone, except for the Beatles one, where our pale, anti-social copyeditor just deleted the line altogether without even acknowledging how hilarious I am.

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

HEAT WAVE



Yo, the summertime is great, but when you live in New York City and you have to walk about 32984984 miles to your office from the subway, you begin each day looking like some old Italian lady dumped a bucket of water on you from her window because you were making too much noise like they did (maybe?) in the oldentimes.

SHIT IS MOTHERFUCKING HOT UP IN HERE.



Drawing via Hyperbole and a Half

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Begin Again




I got a promotion.

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