I never get sick.
I keep thinking about that commercial for Wal Mart where the Dad is sick and we see the Mom running into the bathroom, flinging open the medicine cabinet, desperately looking for a remedy. The voiceover says, "You know you're going to need it..."
Well, I've RARELY needed it. In fact, the only medication I have in my apartment is a bottle of Tylenol. "Cold and flu season" means nothing to me, I just don't get sick.
I have friends who down Nyquil whenever they start getting a sniffle, but I usually soldier on. But now that I'm actually sick, I'm trying to remember the last time I even was congested, and I'm drawing a blank.
The tail end of last week meant that I'd be finishing up an especially hellish project at work. The end of day Friday would be the end of the project, which would mean that I could start doing normal things again, like working only 9 hours a day, going to the gym, having a social life, not downing vodka tonics alone in my apartment, etc.
I woke up on Friday morning feeling really sick. Congested, blowing my nose every five seconds, sore throat kind of sick that can only be associated with a head cold.
I think of friends, co-workers, and past roommates who seemed to always be perpetually sick, and had one thought:
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE YOUR LIVES?!
I seriously don't know how to function as a sick person. God forbid I ever come down with anything more than a minor head cold.
So, here's what happened:
1. I went to work on Friday because calling in sick isn't an option for workaholics.
2. Work all day. Our Production Director sprays me with Lysol.
3. Thought about actually keeping my plans of drinking like crazy with an old co-worker at 5pm.
4. Came to my senses and canceled my plans.
5. Took a cab home from work because I was too exhausted to deal with the subway.
6. Made dinner, which tasted like nothing, because my cold has robbed my sense of taste from me. This is perhaps the most tragic part of having a head cold.
7. I am pissed that this cold is taking away from me being able to get shithoused drunk to celebrate the end of my stupid project. I decide I'm going to have a few celebratory drinks alone—this is also a way to ensure that I will sleep soundly.
8. Wake up at 9AM. So much for sleeping soundly.
9. Fresh Direct arrives and I decide I'll make a quiche because I'm an idiot.
10. Eat the quiche. It tastes like nothing.
11. Give in to my mother's demands that I go to the store and buy some goddamned medicine.
12. The bodega by my apartment only has Nyquil.
13. I watch Labyrinth on Netflix Instant View and recall how fucking weird it was.
14. Take some Nyquil and sleep until 6PM.
15. Awake to texts from Tim asking me about going out tonight.
16. Because no pushy virus is going to ruin my plans (TWICE), I make plans to meet Tim and Abi at a bar in the East Village.
17. The F train is running all wonky, and I realize that it was a mistake to venture out.
18. Arrive at the bar at 9pm, where we drink until 12am. I keep a stash of bar napkins to blow my nose on. I am the most attractive girl in the bar.
19. I leave at midnight and get a cab home.
20. Take Nyquil even though you're not supposed to mix it with alcohol.
21. Sleep until 1pm.
22. Make chicken soup.
23. The day melts into Golden Girls marathons and chicken soup.
24. Wake up for work. Feel awful, still go into the office because I have time-sensitive things to do.
25. Take care of time-sensitive things to do, leave office at 2pm.
26. On the way to the subway, spend $40 at Duane Reade on Mucinex, some sort of nasal spray, and Tylenol Cold.
27. Get home, spray my nose, take some Mucinex, and eat some soup.
28. Go to bed at 9pm.
29. Wake up feeling much better.
Mucinex, you're my hero. I think I'll be 100% by tomorrow. If only I had gotten the medicine sooner. I'm an ahole.