So I saw a shoddy application on Facebook that takes a sampling of your Facebook statuses for the entire year and puts them in some lame font with fleur de lis bullshit, so I decided I'd do it here, without all of the goofy bells and whistles.
January 11, 2009: Amanda had a very productive weekend and is looking forward to brunch and other lazy Sunday activities
January 12, 2009: Amanda is thinking that today has been a very lucrative day
January 15, 2009: Amanda got promoted!
January 24, 2009: Amanda is taking a bottle of wine to the face with Abi
January 31, 2009: Amanda is hello weekend, goodbye liver
February 7, 2009: Amanda is is not going to fill out a 25 Things Survey, no matter how much you dbags try to get me to.
February 8, 2009: Amanda is a beer or dinner? Who will know?
February 10, 2009: Amanda is thanking everyone for the free drinks, someecards, birthday wishes, and the reminder that no one likes you when you're 23
February 20, 2009: Amanda is in Boston for the weekend with Scott, Tim, and Gabe!
February 22, 2009: Amanda is in love with her life
March 7, 2009: Amanda is having a free bottle of wine fueled bitchfest in stuytown
March 8, 2009: Amanda is hey, me and tomato wanna hit the town
March 8, 2009: Amanda cannot believe that Celebrity Apprentice is two hours long and that I will most likely watch the whole thing
March 10, 2009: Amanda knows this month will be the death of her
March 15, 2009: Amanda is hungover
March 20, 2009: Amanda is NO SLEEP TIL BROOKLYN
March 21, 2009: Amanda is seeing Cynthia Nixon in "Distracted" tonight after having $80 worth of sushi and sake with Tim last night—perfect weekend!
March 24, 2009: Amanda is looking for a roommate starting May 1. Let me know if you want to join the madness in BKKKKK
March 27, 2009: Amanda is fuck my life
March 28, 2009: Amanda is going on a bender to remember
April 15, 2009: Amanda's TV is broken. How the hell will I get to sleep without The Simpsons or Golden Girls as background noise?
April 17, 2009: Amanda is TAX REFUNDDDDDD
April 20, 2009: Amanda is seeing 9 to 5: The Musical with the Marketing Team!
April 22, 2009: Amanda is seeing Raining Jane/Matthew Santos show at The Living Room tonight!
April 23, 2009: Amanda is Hold on—gotta take this phone call from Paula Poundstone in 3D
April 24, 2009: Amanda is is at a screening for the Tribeca Film Festival!
April 28, 2009: Amanda is someone carry me to Dunkin Donuts
April 29, 2009: Amanda is following swine flu on Twitter
April 29, 2009: Amanda and Abi won the prize for best team name at Trivia Night: the Swine Floozies.
May 9, 2009: Amanda is Five Elvis impersonators just entered the bar. This night is going to get interesting
May 12, 2009: Amanda is so excited that Scott is going to be her neighbor! Let the drunken madness of Summer 09 begin!
May 16, 2009: Amanda was the youngest person in the Jersey Boys audience by about 30 years.
May 25, 2009: Amanda is having a $10,000 BBQ in Prospect Park
May 27, 2009: Amanda is winner of best Trivia name AGAIN: Trivia Newton-John.
May 29, 2009: Amanda is the "Look Who's Talking" Trilogy is on Netflix Instant View. See you guys never.
May 31, 2009: Amanda is andddd the cab driver gave me his number....
June 4, 2009: Amanda's morning commute: Oh subway, you so hot, you on fire. Literally. On fire. Evacuate!
June 7, 2009: Amanda is OMG the guy from Oz was behind me in line at the grocery store. My life just came full circle
June, 8, 2009: Amanda is going to see Art Garfunkel, Jerry Seinfeld, and James Taylor perform at the Paul Newman Tribute benefit.
June 13, 2009: Amanda is Big Apple BBQ with Tim, welcoming Scott to the neighborhood, and about 28947984 drinks
June 24, 2009: Amanda is it has been raining for so long in NYC that I'm going to slit my wrists just so I can see some color.
June 26, 2009: Amanda is they played "Man in the Mirror" during the Michael Jackson tribute at the bar... Time for a jagerbomb!
June 26, 2009: Amanda and Scott are the executors of Michael Jackson's will. Who wants a ride on the ferris wheel?
June 28, 2009: Amanda is Gay Pride brunch...with 10 ABC executives (ummm let's talk about...Dancing with the Stars?)
June 28, 2009: Amanda is Billy Mays was just found dead. To quote my editor: what if i'm the last person on Earth to interview him? And more importantly, what about the Oxiclean?
July 3, 2009: Amanda is in Boston for the weekend
July 8, 2009: Amanda is partying like she's on Death Row. Does that even make sense? Who cares
July 8, 2009: Amanda won "best dressed" at Trivia.. Anyone from college is wondering how this is possible. Dreams come true, Mofozz
July 9, 2009: Amanda is taking a stetch limosine home from the bar. Seriously
July 13, 2009: Amanda is we'll move out of the shelter
July 13, 2009: Amanda is we've gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way
July 15, 2009: Amanda is bringing work with her to the bar. Does that make her a workaholic or an alcoholic?
July 21, 2009: Amanda is officially on vacation. See you never!
August 7, 2009: Amanda is my apartment smells like mango vodka and anxiety
August 24, 2009: Amanda breaks bones and laughs
September 5, 2009: Amanda is telling those fat cats down in Albany to stick it. Just like her hero, Melinda Katz
September 11, 2009: Amanda is VIP at the JayZ concert. AKA not spending cheese
September 12, 2009: Amanda is this city never sleeps, let me slip you an Ambien
September 13, 2009: Amanda wishes Madonna died instead of Michael Jackson
September 13, 2009: Amanda is Taylor Swift just violated about 700 MTA guidelines
September 13, 2009: Amanda is so remember that time Lady GaGa killed herself onstage?
September 16, 2009: Amanda is Andrew "Dice" Clay's publicist is surprisingly self-righteous
September 24, 2009: Amanda is vodka tonics to the face
October 2, 2009: Amanda is wish you were beer...
October 2, 2009: Amanda is if you give a mouse some vodka, it will tell you all its secrets
October 10, 2009: Amanda was just served guacamole by Fabio from Top Chef and is getting free shots of vodka left and right. I love the Wine & Food Festival
October 15, 2009: Amanda is thanks, 30 Rock, for reflecting my life almost exactly.
October 18, 2009: Amanda is when you're feeling low, I'll be there to feel you up
October 22, 2009: Amanda just officially decided her Halloween costume. Sue Sylvester from Glee—mainly because track suits are comfortable and I can fill up a nalgeine bottle with liquor. This might be the best idea I've ever had.
October 24, 2009: Amanda is fondue party madness—let's party like we're on death row.
October 31, 2009: Amanda is celebrating Halloween as Sue Sylvester with Jon Gosselin, Kenneth the Page, and some random Asian girl
November 5, 2009: Amanda is today I'll be playing the role of the old janitor that has finally had enough and stabs everyone.
November 8, 2009: Amanda is seeing Andy Samberg at the NY Comedy Festival. Almost as good as being on a boat
November 13, 2009: Amanda is the homeless man who sleeps in my subway station was eating a pint of Haagen Daas this morning. Pretty fancy for someone who smells like piss.
November 22, 2009: Amanda is Bruce Springsteen and box seats
November 30, 2009: Amanda is imagine chewing on an old leather shoe for about 20 minutes and then having it sit in your stomach all day, and that's what it's like to eat a Clif Bar.
December 7, 2009: Amanda had a Sunday Funday at Union Hall which consisted of 10 beers, came home at 8:00, pretended like I was actually going to get work done, passed out at 9:00, and then woke up at 1:00 to try again. Life fail.
December 12, 2009: Amanda is red and green jello shots, santa hat, and a Frank Sinatra Christmas
December 14, 2009: Amanda is Dear Etsy, Homemade shit ain't supposed to be so damn expensive.
December 15, 2009: Amanda is my favorite day is the day that my company tests the fire alarms all morning.
December 22, 2009: Amanda is officially on vacation until January 4!
December 23, 2009: Amanda is but does Santa Claus believe in you? Probably not. You're welcome.
References to alcohol: 24
Bitter bitching: 8
References to TV: 8
Bragging about VIP treatment: 10
Labels: BK, Drunken Debauchery, NYC