The Yuppie and the Hippie: An Introduction
With all of this recapping of Spring Break, I haven't been able to tell you guys what's really been going on in my life since I've been back, which is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT ABOUT GETTING A JOB.
I think I've seriously applied to every job in New York. You'd think it would be easy, what with those "fantastic" job search services like Yahoo HotJobs, Monster, and CareerBuilder that email you daily with job openings that meet the job criteria you specify. Yeah, everything's wonderful getting daily emails from Monster with listings for a Loading Dock Supervisor in Japan, or as a movie extra for $300 a day. My criteria was “editorial assistant” in “New York,” so I don’t know how Monster came up with these crappy job listings, but not only do they piss me off, they lead me to believe that there is absolutely no hope in getting a job any time soon, or ever for that matter.
I want to die.
In addition to the anxiety about finding a job, there's more anxiety surrounding finding an apartment in New York. Finding an apartment in New York City has been described by various experts and smart asses as the hardest thing you can possibly do. It's like the song. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. It's up to you. New York, New York.
It's up to ME?
In less than two months, I will be living with this girl:
Her name is Abi. One time, Abi told me she was going to get the words "peace," "love," and "energy" tattooed on her torso in Sanskrit and I told her that she should just get "cliche" tattooed in Sanskrit on her torso. She was rightfully mad. Then there was that other time that Abi told me that she wanted to move to Africa to work with elephants. I told her Africa wasn't really like the Lion King, it has more AIDS and war-like ethnic skirmishes. She called me an asshole.
The funny thing is is that somehow we just realized after a year of knowing each other that we are EXACT opposites. We are so opposite that I programmed her ringtone into my phone as the theme song from The Odd Couple. I'M NOT JOKING.
I realized that the months following graduation will be completely and totally crazypants when Abi told me that before we move into our new apartment we'll have to do a sage burning ritual that will rid the apartment of evil spirits and negative energy.
I believe my response to this was "are you fucking kidding me?" Really, Abi. Why don't we just burn the place down? I mean, we want to make sure that ALL of the negativity and "bad vibes" are gone, right? And hey- as various friends have pointed out, you're living with ME. If you want to really get the negativity out you'll have to kill me.
When discussing our decorating likes and dislikes, we found that while Abi likes earth tones and would probably want a couch made out of bamboo, I like bright colors, lots of black, and really contemporary design. I see us getting kicked out of Ikea in the future after a shouting match ensues.
If anything, it will be HYSTERICAL. And maybe I have low standards, but really all I want in a roomate is a rent check and the assurance that she won't murder me. Although I'm not really sure if Abi promised that she wouldn't use physical violence against me. Whatever.
Look out for more new posts on the new odd couple as the months progress.