Going Off the Rails on a Crazy Train

Elvira Kurt, one of my favorite comedians had a bit where she would talk about how we should discourage childish behavior in children and instead encourage it in adults. After all, we're the ones who have something to cry about.

Usually, I don't like kids but on the train the other day, there was this adorable child who was the spitting image of Gary Coleman. For a second, I thought it actually was Gary Coleman, but this child was too happy. He didn't have a chip on his shoulder because his parents pimped him out to the cruel television industry, squandered all of his money, and because of this, he now works as a security guard, a position that's supposed to evoke an air of authority even though he's widely regarded as a man-child with an amusing catch phrase.

Woah, why do I know so much about Gary Coleman, you might ask? The answer is E!'s ever-entertaining Child Star Confidential.

Anyway, back to the little kid on the train. He was smiling and laughing the whole time, and even though I'm known to scream "I HATE THE SOUND OF LAUGHTER," I'm secretly a sucker for a happy, care-free child. It reminds me of a time because my spirit was crushed by the weight of the world.

And not only are children good for their amusing laughter and cute smiles, they're also good for their refreshing honesty.

I'm thinking of that commercial for Quaker Oats Granola Bars where a kid at a wedding goes up to the bride and says, "My mom says she can't believe you wore white."

Similarly, the child on the train kept pointing to the disease-ridden floor of the train and screaming "EWWWWWWWWW!"

Of course, if I did this, I'd be hauled off to the psych ward. At least we've got the kids to keep it real while we're all out there being shameless liars.