Ellen and Portia: Dunzo
So I try to write in this blog semi-regularly, but sometimes, dear readers, I get too busy. That's right. TOO BUSY TO BITCH. Oh wait, I'm never too busy to bitch. But sometimes I'm too busy to bitch in semi-coherant blog form. This is what has been occurring over the past few days. One reason is that it was quasi-Halloweekend and I was busy getting my long blonde wig cut to look like Ellen Degeneres. That's right, I dressed up as Ellen Degeneres for Halloween.
I had decided to do it even before the whole dog controversy, but in light of those events, it was even more hysterical. Of course, I had her entire wardrobe already (trousers, collared shirt, sweater, tennis shoes), but the wig and the accessories (tissues and a dog toy) really completed the ensemble. The entire night I just kept crying into tissues and screaming "OMG JUST GIVE THE DOG BACK." Wonderful.
But speaking of Ellen Degeneres, there's been even more apparent heartache for everyone's favorite non-offensive lesbo, as reported by Star Magazine and Perez Hilton (two of the most revered sources in journalism). Apparently, sources say her freak-out crying jag was not entirely because of her puppy being stolen, but because her girlfriend of three years, Portia De Rossi, wants to call it quits. While this hasn't actually been confirmed, the rumor mill is spinning like Jack and Rose in Titanic (remember that scene?)
Of course, everyone feels bad for Ellen, because she's oh so unlucky in love. Everyone jumps back to the whole Anne Heche debacle, and totally forgets her girlfriend of four years, the love of my life, Alexandra Hedison. Ellen broke up with her after four years and started dating much younger, much more famous Portia De Rossi. The details on when Ellen started dating Portia and when Ellen broke up with Alex were sketchy at best (read: Ellen cheated). I took the break up personally. I boycotted watching Ellen for quite awhile. HOW COULD SHE DO THAT TO US?
I mean, Alex. Especially since Alex is such a fox. Of course, Alex got her revenge by doing a very naked love scene as a recurring character on The L Word.
Ellen, you blew it. Alex, call me.
Note: that photo of Ellen and Alex was from circa 2003