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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A Much-Needed Update



I know, I know, all of you out there on the internet were all like, "Where's Amanda? How can I live my life without her sage advice and wacky outlook on life?" I
apologize that it's been almost a month since my last update, but what can I say? This bitch has been busy. So let's take some time to recap:

Christmas: My Christmas was okay, made better by a new little scam I've come up with. I casually ask my mother how much she and dear old dad are planning on spending on me this year, and then I suggest that I buy all of my presents myself, used on Amazon.com. Buying them used ("like new") allows for a significant price decrease, so I basically double my Christmas bounty. Most notable among my presents were:
  • Mommie Dearest By Christina Crawford: This was the book that spawned "the first comedy about child abuse" (according to John Waters) and I wanted to see for myself how true the camp classic film was to the original book. Of course, it wasn't. Poor Tina. And rich Amanda, because I bought it used for the wonderful price of $0.01. I'M SERIOUS.
  • The Mary Tyler Moore Show (Season 1): I'm gonna make it after all! I used to love this show when I was ten-years-old. You know, I make fun of my little brother for being obsessed with Gilligan's Island and other weird things, and yet, there I was, a goofy-looking youngster, watching Nick at Night and singing "Love is All Around." Hey- fun fact! Did you know that Mary Tyler Moore was a drunk during this show? That's why she was so perky all of the time. Anyway, the difference between 10-year-old Amanda watching this show and 20-year-old Amanda watching this show is that 20-year-old Amanda recognizes that the character of Mary Richards was an annoying, sniveling pushover. But she was still considered a role model because she wore pants. Bravo, Mary! Thank God for Rhoda and Mr. Grant, otherwise this show would be unbearable.
  • Running With Scissors By Augusten Burroughs: I really liked this book for it's compelling story, but I think we need to stop comparing Burroughs to David Sedaris. Okay? Okay. For real, though. Running With Scissors was a great book because the circumstances that Burroughs grew up in were so extraordinary, that and he happens to be a decent writer. All of David Sedaris's books are successful because he's such an amazing writer that he can create an equally amazing story out of the totally ordinary, rather than Burrough's extraordinary. Case closed.
  • More Polo Shirts!!! My usual attire is a polo shirt, a baseball hat, and jeans. I find that this outfit transfers easily from the classroom to the bars. My mother, a fashionista in her own right, has had her heart broken many times over the years by my lack of fashion sense, and so she's caved. Three new polo shirts to add to my collection. I was looking through my photos to find pictures of me with a polo shirt on, and I realized that I couldn't find any pictures of me without a polo shirt on. I guess I should work on that, or something.
etc. etc. etc.

New Year's: I don't know about you party animals, but I spent the majority of New Year's passed out. Unfortunately, it wasn't the good kind of passed out (you know, the alcohol-induced one), it was the one that comes from a really bad fever and enough pressure in your head that your personal theme song could be a certain duet by Queen and David Bowie.

Oh Hey, What's Up, End of Junior Year?:
So... where did, um, you know, COLLEGE go? While the majority of my friends are off, globetrotting arou
nd, I'm here in Po-town, hating my life. No, I take that back. My life is changing, and starting to resemble what looks like an adult life (ie: partying reserved for the weekends) and I'm annoyed/petrified. Being responsible is really cramping my style. Anyway, I snagged an awesome internship at Simon & Schuster in their Simon Spotlight Entertainment imprint, and I couldn't be happier where I was placed. I think it's pretty safe to say I'm going to have a lot of fun there. I mean, come on; this is the imprint that puts out books like I Hate Other People's Kids, Assholes Finish First, Go to Hell, and a myriad of other sassy titles. And, they give me free books, which is a good thing because I have a freakin' two hour commute into the city, meaning a total of four hours per day spent on the train. All aboard the train to your faded youth! Choo Choo!

Today, I had the pleasure of reading Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay By Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. You know all of those sacchrine books on parenting, like What to Expect When You're Expecting? Yeah, well, this book isn't like that. Basically, it cuts through all of the crap and talks honestly about pregnancy and babies and all of that, and I was laughing out loud on the train, causing the lady sitting next to me to forfeit her seat and stand in the back of the train rather than sit next to the girl with the random outbursts. After I read the book, I wanted to give it to someone I cared about. I know I have some semi-slutty friends with no career ambitions who will get knocked up in the next few years! I'll tuck it away until then.