It Must Be a Pretty Uncomfortable Day in the White House...
Mary Cheney has just given birth to a son. As you can tell from the photo with his proud new grandparents, this baby is obviously very unhappy about the fact that his mother is a lesbo. Or it could just be that babies cry over everything. Who knows. I'm sure the Republicans are gonna go with the former on that, though.
I don't really care about politics or anything, but I just LOVE how uncomfortable this has to make everyone in the Bush Administration. I can just see them now. Does it have 10 fingers and 10 toes? Two eyes? Really? I thought it would look different from other babies. You know, because Mary's a lesbian.
The most important question I have regarding this is: is President Bush going to send Mary and her partner Heather flowers, or a passport to hell? If he goes with the flowers option, what would the card say? Congratulations! Just remember, same-sex parents are totally incapable of raising children! Love, George and Laura. Seriously, though. While Mary and Heather are capable, successful, and responsible adults, there's no way they can end up raising a healthy, well-adjusted kid. I mean, you need a mother and a father. Let's take a look at some awesome examples of heterosexual parenting:
Paris Hilton: Mom Kathy and Dad Richard have done an excellent job of raising Paris. Growing up in a world of spectacular wealth and privelige has afforded Paris all of the opportunities in the world, and yet she decided to forgo graduating high school (she got her GED!), college, and philanthrophy and decided to devote her time to other endeavors, such as starring in awful horror films, moonlighting as a singer, making a sex tape, and getting arrested instead. Awesome job, hetero parents!
Erik and Lyle Menendez: Sons to affluent record executive Jose and housewife Kitty Menendez, these youngsters watched first-hand what hard work and some good ol' gumption will get you. A life of wealth and opportunity. But that wasn't enough for Erik and Lyle, as they decided that they would kill their parents for money. Fantastic.
Obviously, the list goes on, but you get the idea. You need both a mother and a father, otherwise your kids could turn into uneducated sluts or murderous pyschopaths. And we wouldn't want that would we? Right? No child left behind, is what I say!
Oh my God, I'm really not THIS Liberal, I'm just bitter. I'm not knocking ALL heterosexual parents (hey, mine are staight... I think), but let's have a little perspective here. Parenting is hard. It has nothing to do with whether you're gay or straight, it has everything to do with whether or not you have the extreme amount of patience needed to get your kids through school and into the real world in (relatively) one piece. I know I don't have it, but that's not because I'm a lez, that's just because I'm an asshole. Case closed.