Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Out of Control Teens!

Yesterday, I went to a live taping of the Maury Povich Show. No, I wasn't on there to promote my book, I was there because I needed to send my out-of-control teen daughter to boot camp. Seriously, LaVonda, enough is enough. Your ass is going to boot camp.

All right, so maybe I'm lying. Maybe I don't have a daughter. Maybe I was just there for the sheer hilarity of it. The show's subject was "Confessions of a Peeping Tom" (among other things). Basically, look for a shot of me looking disgusted after the creep said that he had looked in over 100 women's windows. Hey, Mom, I'm on TV!

Speaking of mothers, my "publicist's" mother is determined to book me a spot on the Ellen Degeneres Show, citing that we "have a lot in common." When I asked her exactly what Ellen and I have in common, she said, "you're both white." Brilliant!

In addition to Christine's mother giving me advice, my own mother called me this afternoon to tell me that my book is also available on This is good news, but I was even more impressed by their "People Who Bought This Book Also Bought/Customers Interested in this Book May Be Interested in" section. They compared my book to When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops by George Carlin and Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Basically, I'm in shock for two reasons:

1.) David Sedaris is by far my favorite writer/author and for it to even be suggested that my writing is anywhere in the same realm as his is an amazing, amazing compliment.

2.)'s suggestion was a police training manual. Very funny, guys. Like I know anything about police training. I haven't even seen any of the Police Academy movies, despite my love for Steve Guttenberg. Check ya facts,, check ya facts.

Take it easy,



Monday, April 10, 2006!

As I walked into the campus mailroom, I expected to get the typical mail that I always get:

a.) mail from the college telling me that while I can stay on campus over Easter Break, that everything will be closed and I will essentially starve to death if I do.
b.) a brand new issue of The Globetrotter, a useless campus magazine that is found lining the trash cans of every student and best referred to in a fake British accent
c.) a and b

However, on this particular day I was presently surprised to find a flat mail bag stuffed chock full of literary goodness. That's right, I received two advance copies of my book, Don't Be a Jerk: Call the Cops. I told a few friends and then headed off to class.

I returned home to find that I had 2 missed calls, 1 text message, and 3 instant messages from a friend of mine who I had dubbed my publicist the night before. Apparently, she had discovered that my book was on and that obviously made me a legit author, moreso than ever before.

Later in the day, my "publicist" (Christine) and I were standing at a cross walk and she commented that the sun was so bright. "BRIGHT LIKE MY FUTURE," I replied.

Ohhhh man...
here's the link.. do me a favor and buy a copy. Or better yet, buy two.